and now i have a date for next week with a customer who apparently liked me enough to leave behind his number for me.
i think a lot of the time we forget how captivating we are. i think we doubt our allure (inner and outer). i think we feel more comfortable believing the negative things we’ve told ourselves for years (like “i’m too fat for anyone” or “i’m so boring and unimportant”). what a waste! you’re brighter than you let yourself shine. other people notice during the moments you open up. you never know who might be watching or listening.
on a more personal level, i think gaining weight has been the best god damned thing that has happened to me this year. it sounds crazy, but losing my societally acceptable “thin” body lead me to a deep sense of self. it allowed me to break free from the cultural myths and ideas keeping me trapped inside a life of misery. with weight came a new set of truths, ones that allowed me to form a new foundation of worth, one that had nothing to do with what i looked like. through loss of body confidence, i gained self confidence. i started to see myself through the eyes of other people, to listen, really listen, to things they told me about me. better yet, i started to believe them. gaining weight let me become me again.
i think that, because i am finally me again, because i am finally letting myself shine bright because i feel bright, people are noticing. i say that not to sound narsissictic, rather just to point out that outsides really don’t fucking matter. it truly is whats on the inside that counts for the most. genuine people will recognize that and honor you for it.
so please, my loves, get out there. be your beautiful selves. with a little positivity, i think you’ll attract all the positive energy you’ve been looking for.
(p.s: today was my last day at work! i am officially, intentionally, unemployed. bittersweet. incredibly bittersweet.)