here is my heart’s song in some words
as the early days of 2012 pass by, the clearer my purpose becomes.
my dreams look less fuzzy. i feel less fuzzy. ideas tangle themselves up in thoughts, merge together to present me a sharp image of the future. i am dreaming big dreams right now. i am cultivating patience. i am watering my flower of persistence with it. i forget sometimes i am twenty-two and unbound by responsibility. i forget i am standing at the base of my life with no need to rush.
above all, i am learning i am a slow mover.
a friend explained his inner clockwork to me the other day, spoke of the pace of his personal metronome. i smiled in the slow way a stoner does and tried to understand. i made no sense of it, though i did pretend to. i listened instead of spoke because how do you relate to a conversation you never discussed with yourself? two days ago though, a potcookie and sunshine kind of day, i recognized my inner beat, saw i always knew it. i understood the workings of my inner clock.
i like to take my time. i weigh possibilities, consider both sides of every coin i flip (no, i’m not a libra, why do you ask 
?). i am a slow mover, methodical in all i do. each decision breeds more indecision and i round into conclusions too slow for most people. but the way i tick works for me. what’s the point in subscribing to someone else’s laws?
i know slow, relaxing movement helps me reflect and sink into the non-judgemental person i am (why do you think i live for yoga and hiking and dancing and long walks?). when i allow myself to no breeze through things, i find i try more willingly and laugh at all the things i trip over (cooking isn’t a science, folks). when i slow down i appreciate life because i see the little things. i suddenly have the time to stop and spend five minutes photographing the sunset. i find i smile a lot more, breathe deeply, easily. i am less irritable, less critical of myself and friends and family. and i am, over all, more peaceful and more creative. the more creative i am, the more i release. the more i release, the stronger in self and happier in soul i become.
when i rush or force i end up sick. i end up sleepy, over hungry, jittery. self-care shuts off and i end up feeling foggy from childish choices, one dictated under the crown of poor judgement. i lose gratitude, acceptance, love, and openness. in their place grows lack, self-indulgence, judgement and impatience. i lose the time to sit, wonder at my abundance, and breathe.
i learned a long time ago my life’s purpose involves helping other people. my life’s constant lesson is to continue in a solid practice of self-care in order to help people. when my life is calm, and i am steady and well, i can truly involve myself. i can extend to others a genuine love and an authentic heart. through self-love i can offer love. i can accept love.
to give love, however, one must be love first. 2012 will be the year i start my spiritual quest to dig up the love i buried long ago. 2012 will be the year i learn how to love myself — truly. 2012 will be the year of self-transformation — on the inside. 2012 will be the year i slow down and discover myself completely. because i want so desperately to bring light and love into lives who know only darkness and cold. i just need to thread myself together a little tighter first.
i believe in the presence of souls. i believe in mine as much as i believe in yours. intuition breathes truths from your soul, your highest self. real knowledge hides itself in there. real love, real light, real happiness. it’s up to us to tap into that wealth and spread it.
namaste
zoe
(p.s: and that, my friends, felt like the most authentic thing i’ve ever written on my little space in the blog world.)
