help, i’m alive (self-love sunday version)

i’m alive!

silent since january third but bubbling over with words the whole time. i missed the freedom of unloading onto a screen at the days end. i missed talking into space and seeing who replied. i missed sharing and communicating. i missed blogging for a second, sure, but not enough to trade the last five days for much.

basically, i spent the past five days in san francisco under an umbrella of blue sky paired with temperatures hovering somewhere in the low 60′s. i spent it surrounded by positive, loving, compassionate, passionate people. i spent it chatting over sidewalk cafe breakfasts and in kitchens cooking homemade vegan meals. i spent it laughing, loving, relaxing.

i am overwhelmingly blessed. i am overwhelmingly thankful. i am expanding and releasing and reveling, building up and breaking down. life rarely makes sense but right now, i understand its lessons a little more deeply. i feel plugged in again. ready to embrace it all — the good, the bad, and all the little bits in between. i feel ready to leave the past behind and step, finally, into this new chapter i’ve been trying to write for two years.

i have so much to write. so much to babble about. i’ll save that for another time. for now, simply enjoy your weekend. appreciate your blessings and where you are right now. the state of your soul is always beautiful

namaste

zoe

things cooking taught me

i love to cook.

cooking ended up being a topic i stopped talking about a long while back. i think the whole terrified-of-food business coupled with not eating helped that trend along. since reigning in all those demons, the kitchen feels friendly again. it feels like a solid, warm place to spend our wet, chilly winter in.

i grew up in the kitchen. my dad went to cooking school and was a chef for something like ten years before he took on another profession. my grandma cooks, my uncle cooks, my aunts cook, my cousins cook. not sure where i got the love for the kitchen at…

for a really long time though, the kitchen frustrated me. i used to throw things together with great confidence only to sit down and eat something completely different than the food in my mind’s eye. why oh why did nothing turn out perfectly? why oh why did i mess up all the time?

the kitchen teaches me to laugh instead of scream.
the kitchen teaches me it’s okay to get dirty.
the kitchen teaches me patience (oh, miles and miles of patience).
the kitchen teaches me humility.
the kitchen teaches me love.
the kitchen teaches me confidence.

i think the most important lesson i’ve learned after all these years of sauteing, flipping, roasting, baking, burning, breaking, and making, is nothing will ever be perfect because perfection doesn’t exist.

it’s difficult to participate in a kitchen (or life) if you worry so much about the details. it’s difficult to find the happiness in cooking if you find no fun in cooking. the kitchen, it you allow it to, can lighten up life a little bit.

yesterday i baked for the first time in months. for a friend. and let me tell you. these babies were definitely a labor of love. and definitely worth it.

(chocolate cupcakes, stuffed with carmel kisses, and topped with carmel frosting and all made with lots of love. everything home made…minus the kisses.)

i found myself laughing and frustrated at the same time. i found myself racing from the computer to the stove and back again. i found myself dancing and singing and cursing.

sigh. i love cooking.

do you?

namaste

zoe

(p.s: one other thing i’ve found while cooking? i without fail always, always, always listen to amy winehouse and/or adele. or the otis redding station on pandora. something about jazzy blues gets me in the cooking mood i suppose!

p.p.s: you guys. how do i get onto pinterest. help.)

soup for you!

yesterday, soup struck me.

once upon a time i loved to cook. then i got all backwards and afraid of the kitchen. but now i’m back — and with a vengeance. i am thoroughly enjoying my kitchen again and can’t wait to share more with you! here’s the first of it.

i call it throwabunchofshitintoapotandwarmitthroughsoup mushroom millet soup.

what you need
one and a half cups cooked millet
one cup dried mushrooms (i have no idea what i used. my friend mushroom hunts and he gave me a few giant bags of dried shroomies)
one small onion (i used red but i don’t think it matters)
one clove garlic
one tablespoon ghee (this shit is my favorite. use earth balance if you cannot eat butter)
two teaspoons olive oil
one 15 oz can white beans
six swiss chard leaves
one cup water from dried mushrooms
one and a half cups low sodium vegetable stock
one and a half teaspoon thyme and rosemary (seriously favorite herbs)
two bay leaves
salt to taste

what you need to do

1) reconstitute the mushrooms. basically, bring about a cup of water to boiling and throw in the dried shroomies along with the two dried bay leaves. boil for about fifteen to twenty minutes. the water will turn brown — save it!

2) cook one cup dried millet in a pot with two and half cups water.

3) meanwhile, dice up the onions and mince the garlic.

4) drain the mushrooms and reserve the water.

5) heat a large saucepan. add the butter and olive oil. once the pan is hot, throw in the onions and saute for five minutes. next, add in the mushrooms and saute for another five minutes. then add the garlic and saute again for another five minutes.

6) dump the one cup reserved mushroom water and the one and half cups of vegetable broth into saucepan. bring to a boil. add thyme, rosemary, and salt. stir to incorporate.

7) once pan is boiling, open and drain the can of beans. save three tablespoons of water from the can. add the can of beans and the three tablespoons to the pan. add one cup cooked millet. stir until incorporated and cover the pan for five minutes.

8 ) while the millet and beans heat through, chop swiss chard into ribbons. then add it to the pan and cover for another five minutes.

9) add a bit more salt and remove from heat.

and there you go! soup!

just a note, i am not a big salt fan (i grew up without it. my mom reacts really badly to it so we never used it heavily in cooking.) so i didn’t add much, which was perfect for me. but feel free to add as much as you want

happy soup making!

namaste

zoe

(p.s: expect a lot more soup recipes this fall and winter!)